leeng-kuul/lêng-ṭûl - remain unmarried beyond the usual marriageable age.
In most cultures, once you crossed 30 years of age, you have officially become one, a stamp on your forehead certifying that you have become one.
I hope many of you can identify with this question, especially those who belong to this group of no-longer-young unmarried guys/girls. Your misery will be compounded if you are already working and already settled, and not yet married. The one question which can throw many of us to discomfort and a guaranteed conversation killer. In a few days time, I'll be home for this winter break, prepping myself for lots of surprises.
You know- we Indians are inquisitive in nature, asking personal questions and even digging deeper and deeper to the point where the other person feels uncomfortable . Not even hesitating to ask even very personal questions like - when are you getting married? whether you you have a girlfriend or not ? are you engaged ? ... et cetera, there is no end to this. Maybe they also do this in other cultures but that's not the point of this blog for now.
As a 32 year old bachelor, this question on marriage and when? has been thrown to me countless number of times. Initially, you feel you should give some answers , this and that. But as times goes on and you get older, the funny thing is that you get used to these type of questions to a point where you skin feels so thick that this question doesn't even have an effect on you.
Few years back, I used to give this answer "I am single and happy".
Or some would even give those words of wisdom which only comes by experience and keen observation. What if you children are not yet settled by the time you retire ( 60 years is the retirement age as of now). Suppose you get married and have a child by age 35, your child will be 25 by the time you retire. You do the math, maybe they are right or they are wrong. There comes a time in a man's life where it hurts to do the math. Only time will tell. My cousin told me of his boss who's already a DGM( Deputy General Manager, takes about 21 yrs to become one in a Public Sector Co. ) who got married so late that his son is still in Std-IV, he's gonna retire in a few years and what will be the plight of his son once he retires, what about his son's higher educations etc.
Another interesting point to seriously think about before getting married is "whether you'll be a good dad or not ?" Here's Calvin's Dad
Is she your elder sister? that's one question we sometimes ask when some parents came to visit
the boys hostel. Most probably their parents got married young or the age gap between their parents is so much that the mother still looks in her 30s. I rest my case here
I remember one conversation i had with a total stranger, one of the many
Stranger : where are you working?
Me : I'm working in this company.
Stranger : That's good for you. How old are you?
Me : a...around 31 ( this is getting unfortable now, can sense something weird is coming up)
Stranger : Are you married or not?
Me : no/not yet
Stranger : "Kyun?? Kya hua??" (emphatic high-pitched sound)
(which made me wonder whether this guy is thinking that something is wrong with me that I am still not yet married)
Me : It will happen soon in the coming few years, not so distant future.
Stranger : ok with a nod and a weird face.
It's not that I hate him for that,far from it, those questions most probably stem from his upbringing culture and sorroundings where people get married on time and have kids and they live happily after. Even in our culture, by the time a person crosses 21/22, he is either married and already with 2/3 kids and still another half-way on the way. Yes, we respect their choice to get married early and have kids.
Some would ask me with this look of serious concern on their face, my favorite answer is " oh, I would love to tell you when I would be getting married, but even I don't know the answer to that, and will inform you ASAP when I know when".
My rediffmail account even get used to getting spam mails like
- " mang, Marriage on your mind? " , "mang, the perfect match for you". wow wow give me a break whoever is sending me these mails. These mails were coolly despatch to their doom and destruction.
I nearly forgot to mention those colleagues and friends who have gotten married recently, they are so eager to get you married. No conversation is complete without touching this one topic on marriage. I will not mention names here, you know yourself. Thank you once again to all for you concern for my well-being. I will be soon joining your group once I get married and then scout for those batchmates who are unmarried and would love to try match-making for once. Not the victim for once. This is one particular funny quality I noticed in most of them , it's a wait and watch policy.
On a serious note, I think generally young professionals get married late these days. Even if you want proof, I can count them, first with my fingers in both hand, then even start with my feet too, bet it would be enough. It's not common to find 30 plus, 35 plus working professionals who are not yet married ( by choice ), this includes women too. Everyone has their own reasons.
Of course, everything will happen in God's own timing and purpose.
Here's another one : translating hindi sms
Patient : Doctor I'm happy . I sleep properly every night. I am focussed in whatever I do.
I never worry. Doctor, why is this happening?
Doctor : I can very see what your problem based on my prognosis.
You lack Vitamin "SHE" in your system.
In most cultures, once you crossed 30 years of age, you have officially become one, a stamp on your forehead certifying that you have become one.
I hope many of you can identify with this question, especially those who belong to this group of no-longer-young unmarried guys/girls. Your misery will be compounded if you are already working and already settled, and not yet married. The one question which can throw many of us to discomfort and a guaranteed conversation killer. In a few days time, I'll be home for this winter break, prepping myself for lots of surprises.
You know- we Indians are inquisitive in nature, asking personal questions and even digging deeper and deeper to the point where the other person feels uncomfortable . Not even hesitating to ask even very personal questions like - when are you getting married? whether you you have a girlfriend or not ? are you engaged ? ... et cetera, there is no end to this. Maybe they also do this in other cultures but that's not the point of this blog for now.
As a 32 year old bachelor, this question on marriage and when? has been thrown to me countless number of times. Initially, you feel you should give some answers , this and that. But as times goes on and you get older, the funny thing is that you get used to these type of questions to a point where you skin feels so thick that this question doesn't even have an effect on you.
Few years back, I used to give this answer "I am single and happy".
Or some would even give those words of wisdom which only comes by experience and keen observation. What if you children are not yet settled by the time you retire ( 60 years is the retirement age as of now). Suppose you get married and have a child by age 35, your child will be 25 by the time you retire. You do the math, maybe they are right or they are wrong. There comes a time in a man's life where it hurts to do the math. Only time will tell. My cousin told me of his boss who's already a DGM( Deputy General Manager, takes about 21 yrs to become one in a Public Sector Co. ) who got married so late that his son is still in Std-IV, he's gonna retire in a few years and what will be the plight of his son once he retires, what about his son's higher educations etc.
Another interesting point to seriously think about before getting married is "whether you'll be a good dad or not ?" Here's Calvin's Dad
Is she your elder sister? that's one question we sometimes ask when some parents came to visit
the boys hostel. Most probably their parents got married young or the age gap between their parents is so much that the mother still looks in her 30s. I rest my case here
I remember one conversation i had with a total stranger, one of the many
Stranger : where are you working?
Me : I'm working in this company.
Stranger : That's good for you. How old are you?
Me : a...around 31 ( this is getting unfortable now, can sense something weird is coming up)
Stranger : Are you married or not?
Me : no/not yet
Stranger : "Kyun?? Kya hua??" (emphatic high-pitched sound)
(which made me wonder whether this guy is thinking that something is wrong with me that I am still not yet married)
Me : It will happen soon in the coming few years, not so distant future.
Stranger : ok with a nod and a weird face.
It's not that I hate him for that,far from it, those questions most probably stem from his upbringing culture and sorroundings where people get married on time and have kids and they live happily after. Even in our culture, by the time a person crosses 21/22, he is either married and already with 2/3 kids and still another half-way on the way. Yes, we respect their choice to get married early and have kids.
Some would ask me with this look of serious concern on their face, my favorite answer is " oh, I would love to tell you when I would be getting married, but even I don't know the answer to that, and will inform you ASAP when I know when".
My rediffmail account even get used to getting spam mails like
- " mang, Marriage on your mind? " , "mang, the perfect match for you". wow wow give me a break whoever is sending me these mails. These mails were coolly despatch to their doom and destruction.
I nearly forgot to mention those colleagues and friends who have gotten married recently, they are so eager to get you married. No conversation is complete without touching this one topic on marriage. I will not mention names here, you know yourself. Thank you once again to all for you concern for my well-being. I will be soon joining your group once I get married and then scout for those batchmates who are unmarried and would love to try match-making for once. Not the victim for once. This is one particular funny quality I noticed in most of them , it's a wait and watch policy.
On a serious note, I think generally young professionals get married late these days. Even if you want proof, I can count them, first with my fingers in both hand, then even start with my feet too, bet it would be enough. It's not common to find 30 plus, 35 plus working professionals who are not yet married ( by choice ), this includes women too. Everyone has their own reasons.
Of course, everything will happen in God's own timing and purpose.
Here's another one : translating hindi sms
Patient : Doctor I'm happy . I sleep properly every night. I am focussed in whatever I do.
I never worry. Doctor, why is this happening?
Doctor : I can very see what your problem based on my prognosis.
You lack Vitamin "SHE" in your system.
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